I suppose it’s quite natural to not feel happy after a major bereavement.  I can’t say I’m UNhappy, just not happy.  I didn’t ever feel guilty about laughing or having fun after my mother died though I know many people do and I understand that – in fact I felt guilty about not feeling guilty […]


I’m not going to turn a blog which is a varied collection of pointless jottings about one random life into a blog about grief.  My mother was a woman who liked to laugh, a lot, so she surely wouldn’t approve.  However she also liked a good cry – “Nanny,” sighed Daniel frequently “what are you […]

My mum died nine months ago after a rapid decline. Diagnosis to death was about three short weeks. She died on New Years day just ten days short of her 79th birthday. “It’s a good age” “It’s a blessing she went so fast, she wouldn’t have wanted to linger” “Oh (wince) New Years Day – […]

Today was my hardest day.  I didn’t think it would be – I’d got this far with barely a lump in the throat, so focused I was on Daniel and how he was, and had assumed I was home and dry. What is that annoying saying?  Something about pride and falls? We arrived at the […]

So Astana was…. ummm…. interesting.  We arrived at 5.30am after an overnight flight with both of us too excited to sleep and stumbled out into the airport to find no car from the hotel waiting.  I had carefully booked a hotel and car in advance knowing that a 12 hour stopover after a night flight […]

We slept fantastically well and still woke up tired. The lovely Dinara met us at 10am at the hotel and she called the director of the babyhouse whilst Daniel and I sat and watched anxiously… “She’s out, call back in 30 mins” So we tried again and my Russian though rusty could make out “I […]

Arriving We arrived in Ust at 9pm.  I’d forgotten that the “terminal” in Ust involves getting off the plane onto the tarmac and waiting in an outdoor holding pen whilst a man with a tractor throws the bags into a baggage hall (aka the shed).  Then there is a scrum whilst everyone tries to get […]

Well I should say “we” this time because WE are going back to Kazakhstan.  My lovely boy and I in about a month’s time are heading back to the place where it all started.  Well where he started and where our family started. Just in case you’ve wandered in here unannounced, I adopted Daniel in a marathon session nearly […]

(Very lightly edited to help it make a bit more sense without reading the whole 3 month blog!  http://www.simplesite.com/journeytokaz . Junior was 13 months at this point.) I’m sitting here at 8pm Monday evening on my own, mulling over the past three months.  Amazed even as I type it that it has been three months.  Sandy […]

You will be drawn to and feel a kinship towards other adoptive families. It never occurred to me beforehand that adoptive families might have anything in common.  I couldn’t imagine feeling much in common with families who’s children were delivered by caesarian section just because mine was.  But it isn’t that simple.  Adopting is a […]